Dreams...

I dreamed again. Sometimes I hate sleeping for fear of what might surprise me in my subconscious mind when I sleep.
There was a small boy in my dream this time. He was foreign. At first it was like a movie. Then I saw a man who came to save the boy from an impending doom. He was frantically sending radio signals and none of the operators can hear him clearly. I knew he was asking for help. But none can reach him and no one knows his exact location.
In that instant, I was in the picture. I was trying to adjust the radio frequency to hear him clearly and send help. But I failed. He and the boy perished.
If this movie actually happened, I'd like to see it. Because I have no idea why it was in my dreams. As I said, I am not a fan of action movies. I wish someone can identify my dreams...but then, I'm afraid to find out what they mean. It could change me forever and I'm not sure I am ready to welcome the kind of changes it may bring.

To My Prince

Poetry does not suit you, Gentle Prince;
Words could not compare, or describe your Grace.
Try as I might, my pen can never find
Perfect words to bring justice to your name.
And though I go forth and search farther still,
No mortal can, with justice ever write;
Words that gods alone can carefully scribe
Boldly, with pen more powerful than mine.
I have no strength or means as gods above
to make your name shine like stars in the night.
But for you, My Prince I will dare and try
craft these words and immortalize this love.
To your heart from mine, these words will remain
And give you life long after I have lain.

Dreams

I felt the urge to finally put this into writing. I do not want to but for my peace of mind, I decided to let it out and maybe, just maybe, I'd find its meaning somehow.

I seldom have dreams. But when I do, it's disturbing. They're not about ghosts although, some were monsters and alienlike but most of the time, its about people I cannot recognize or remember. Its more like I am watching a movie and everything is before my eyes. I am completely detached.

Of course, I also have dreams where I am experiencing everything. And mind you, I wish I was just another spectator. Because the last two dreams had such a disturbing effect in me. The first one was on April 12, 2010. It was about me and my dad. I was pregnant but we had to walk a few miles away to reach our destination. Then the setting changed. We were suddenly at a military camp and there were escaped prisoners with us. I saw someone who looked like Mark Anthony Fernandez. Ken and Ninang Binky were there too, along with a little girl I didn't recognize and an infant. And all of us were running away. Others remained in the camp to ensure that we had escaped to safety. I wonder what that meant.

The second dream was last April 26, 2010. I dreamed of holding an M16 rifle and a .45 caliber gun. I was shooting at different targets from a moving elf. We were at the back, hiding and trying to run away undetected. Yet we were unsuccessful. Armed men were chasing us. We had to return fire. Then, the enemy brought someone from our team whom they had captured earlier. We just can't let him die so we gave up fighting. I felt so devastated as I let go of my weapons and let them drop on the floor. Then I woke up.

I wondered again because both dreams involved running away. I don't know what they meant. I am not a fan of action or horror movies. I don't play wargames on the internet. But these dreams...these are just two of the many dreams I had which involved warfare. I can't shake the feeling that somehow, this can be a warning to me.

Haunted

I can't believe I could still see you even in my dreams...

What we had was long been over, even your name was buried, eradicated too long ago from my mind. Yet your face haunts me in my dream, making it impossible to forget when your face is so near and your voice so clear.

Are you still waiting for my explanation? Are you still hoping that one day I'd show up and reveal the truth that I have kept hidden for so long? The secret that you will never know.

I cannot come back from who I was. Everything about me had changed. And I cannot find the courage to face you after my years of silence. Forever, you will be...just a memory.

You can haunt me in my dream but you cannot reach me. You can try to search for me but you will never find me again.

You will always be a memory that I love to forget