Dreams...

I dreamed again. Sometimes I hate sleeping for fear of what might surprise me in my subconscious mind when I sleep.
There was a small boy in my dream this time. He was foreign. At first it was like a movie. Then I saw a man who came to save the boy from an impending doom. He was frantically sending radio signals and none of the operators can hear him clearly. I knew he was asking for help. But none can reach him and no one knows his exact location.
In that instant, I was in the picture. I was trying to adjust the radio frequency to hear him clearly and send help. But I failed. He and the boy perished.
If this movie actually happened, I'd like to see it. Because I have no idea why it was in my dreams. As I said, I am not a fan of action movies. I wish someone can identify my dreams...but then, I'm afraid to find out what they mean. It could change me forever and I'm not sure I am ready to welcome the kind of changes it may bring.

To My Prince

Poetry does not suit you, Gentle Prince;
Words could not compare, or describe your Grace.
Try as I might, my pen can never find
Perfect words to bring justice to your name.
And though I go forth and search farther still,
No mortal can, with justice ever write;
Words that gods alone can carefully scribe
Boldly, with pen more powerful than mine.
I have no strength or means as gods above
to make your name shine like stars in the night.
But for you, My Prince I will dare and try
craft these words and immortalize this love.
To your heart from mine, these words will remain
And give you life long after I have lain.

Dreams

I felt the urge to finally put this into writing. I do not want to but for my peace of mind, I decided to let it out and maybe, just maybe, I'd find its meaning somehow.

I seldom have dreams. But when I do, it's disturbing. They're not about ghosts although, some were monsters and alienlike but most of the time, its about people I cannot recognize or remember. Its more like I am watching a movie and everything is before my eyes. I am completely detached.

Of course, I also have dreams where I am experiencing everything. And mind you, I wish I was just another spectator. Because the last two dreams had such a disturbing effect in me. The first one was on April 12, 2010. It was about me and my dad. I was pregnant but we had to walk a few miles away to reach our destination. Then the setting changed. We were suddenly at a military camp and there were escaped prisoners with us. I saw someone who looked like Mark Anthony Fernandez. Ken and Ninang Binky were there too, along with a little girl I didn't recognize and an infant. And all of us were running away. Others remained in the camp to ensure that we had escaped to safety. I wonder what that meant.

The second dream was last April 26, 2010. I dreamed of holding an M16 rifle and a .45 caliber gun. I was shooting at different targets from a moving elf. We were at the back, hiding and trying to run away undetected. Yet we were unsuccessful. Armed men were chasing us. We had to return fire. Then, the enemy brought someone from our team whom they had captured earlier. We just can't let him die so we gave up fighting. I felt so devastated as I let go of my weapons and let them drop on the floor. Then I woke up.

I wondered again because both dreams involved running away. I don't know what they meant. I am not a fan of action or horror movies. I don't play wargames on the internet. But these dreams...these are just two of the many dreams I had which involved warfare. I can't shake the feeling that somehow, this can be a warning to me.

Haunted

I can't believe I could still see you even in my dreams...

What we had was long been over, even your name was buried, eradicated too long ago from my mind. Yet your face haunts me in my dream, making it impossible to forget when your face is so near and your voice so clear.

Are you still waiting for my explanation? Are you still hoping that one day I'd show up and reveal the truth that I have kept hidden for so long? The secret that you will never know.

I cannot come back from who I was. Everything about me had changed. And I cannot find the courage to face you after my years of silence. Forever, you will be...just a memory.

You can haunt me in my dream but you cannot reach me. You can try to search for me but you will never find me again.

You will always be a memory that I love to forget

By My Sword

I have sheathed my sword long time ago
my eyes had gone weary of the destruction it could bring
a metal too powerful, too lustful for the blood of another being.
Yet it saved my life more than once.

We are one, my sword and I
Lightning was a name aptly given
for upon wielding the powerful blade, I am confident
it strikes so fast and moves in my hand with ease.

It has been half a century since I held it in my hand
It rests on its sheath, hidden from prying eyes save mine
and with its constant humming and stirring
I know the time for its return is at hand.

Darkness is again creeping in these lands
Those spawns of the devil never resting or giving up
Even when they can take my life, there is no end to their pursuit
Until their greed is satisfied, their hunger for blood is quenched.

And once again I knelt, my heart searching the Most High
for by His grace alone will I defeat the enemy of ages past
and I will answer the call again, with Lightning by my sword arm
and by the strength of the Most High, I will fight and be victorious.

Rambling #6:

Eianalesh

I can't wait to defeat you, my long time foe. Your cold vengeful eyes pierce me sharper than the lance you carry. Your anger is growing, I can sense it in my mind. Your desire to overcome me is greater than your desire to be free. And I stood waiting upon the strike that would soon come. I am ready, warrior! I shall parry at your every attack. My elven blade is restless and hissing, anxious to strike you down.

And you made the first move. I promised you a meaningful battle, perhaps too meaningful for you to constantly remember. For you shall be defeated. You are no match with my power and my desire to avenge the deaths of many fueled my willingness to launch an attack at your exposed side. I know no mercy, only vengeance. Only hatred, no more love.

Alas, my foe your enchanted lance shattered. Compared to my powerful blade, it was like a mere stone against a strong boulder. Peices of the useless metal went flying all around you, as if surrounding you with a painful reminder of your weaknesses.

While the tip of my blade is poised at your throat.

It was then when you looked at me. The coldness in your eyes vanished and was replaced by that of a warrior resigned to his death. I can sense you no longer hold powerful magic upon the destruction of your lance. Yet your eyes remind me of the mercy I use to bestow unto others long time ago. For that is what you are asking of me now. You want a merciful death.

Do you deserve it? I asked myself right there and then. I only have a few moments to decide your fate. Precious moments as to whether or not my heart would listen to your plea. Is this a new trick? I searched upon your mind and realized that like me, you too have to stand for what you believed in. You are a noble person with a beautiful mind.

Why can't the world be as simple?

"Aiah,sen eianalesh kaz an larr," you whispered. I thought I would never hear those words again. At least not from you. I was moved by your sincerity, by the reminder of what and who we used to be. And it all came back to me now. The memory of your kiss. The warmth of your embrace. Before our lives have changed.

"Eianalesh, Denar." I answered, lowering my guard as a tear fell from my eyes. I need to leave you now. Or this weakness will once again consume me. Farewell my foe. The next time our paths shall cross, never again will I show such weakness.

Eianalesh...my long lost love.

Rambling #5

Will You?

I would like to welcome you into my world
however bizarre it may seem
and take you on a journey none have ever known
or imagined.
I am hoping you will let me take your hand
and lead you to my wonderful land.
The journey will not always be pleasant and the road is not always paved
but have faith in me and believe...
I can get us out of the deepest dungeons,
through many twists and turns
the trees shall be our ally, the birds shall be our friends
and when you feel that all else seem lost and broken
look to the moon
its light will remind you
that despite the darkness that is creeping
hope still shines and linger.
So will you come with me?
Will you dream with me to lands unknown?
Will you fly with me to a world beyond?